Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Breathe (2 AM) - Anna Nalick

2 AM and I'm still awake, writing a song If I get it all down on paper, it's no longer inside of me, Threatening the life it belongs to...

With my eyes closed, I blindly reach for the clock on my bedside table. When I finally grasp the blasted thing in my hand, I crack open one eye to take a peek at the glow in the dark face and curse inwardly.

I've been lying awake for the past two hours.

With a sigh of resignation, I get up and try to navigate through the darkness into my computer. I turn on the monitor and check my torrents. Only a few hours left. Good.

I surf around the net for a little while, catching up on news on the other side of the world - where people are awake for legitimate reasons and not like me who feels like she's the only person awake for miles.

When there is nothing more to do, no more sites to visit, no more status updates, no more tweets, and a final check on my torrents, I turn off the monitor and go back to bed for another round of catch the Sandman.

But the battle wages on. Insomnia still leads.

I struggle, wanting to force my sleep. I close my eyes and think of nothing and everything. But the loud ticking of the silent clock is in my ears and in my head.

I give up and get out of bed again, turn on the light. Then I turn to something reliable. A cure for what ails me.

So with a pen and my journal in hand, I let the poison seep out through me and bleed ink into the smooth ruled pages. My hopes, my regrets, my dreams, my heartaches - flowing in an inconstant stream of thought.

Until finally I am blank again.

And this time, when I turned off the light, there is only the dark and me and the dreams that I won't remember.

For the next time when sleep eludes again.

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